Article Review – The Three Faces of Adoptees

Seminar for 2013 AAC – Cleveland, http://nancyverrier.com/the-three-faces-of-adoptees/, By Nancy Verrier, MFT, Author of The Primal Wound

The book, The Primal Wound, by Nancy Verrier was listed as “required” reading by those involved in adoptions (adoptees, adopters, birth parents, etc.) While reading the book, I noticed the author’s uncanny way of pinpointing several issues I had been dealing with as an adoptee. Though I may not agree with everything in the book, I highly recommend those interested in this topic (personally or professionally) to buy her book.

Anyway, when I noticed she was a presenter at an American Adoption Congress conference, I couldn’t resist reading her article, The Three Faces of Adoptees. I encourage you to read the entire article for the context. Here are some of my favorite quotes from her seminar article:

Children who are separated from their mothers early in life have different issues to deal with than those who are kept and cared for by their mothers. The relationship with the mother is the cornerstone for all future relationships. We are. . .meant to be close to our mothers in our early years.

“All mammals know their own mothers through all their senses. Therefore when a baby is immediately taken from the bio mom and handed over to another mom, the baby is confused and disoriented. ‘Where is mom?’ The new mom doesn’t pass the ‘sensory test.’ She doesn’t sound right, or smell right, or feel right, or have the right resonance or energy. The infant becomes disregulated. This is no one’s fault except that we continue to ignore it and therefore don’t address it. What does the child do?” [Read Consciousness and Awareness]

The child goes immediately into coping mode. Something devastating happened…

Baby beliefs are imprinted into the neurological system and therefore, difficult to overcome. [Read Article Review_7 Ways to Bond With Preborn Baby]

Last but not least:
“In order to become more authentic, then, you might. . .have to take a few risks. Just baby ones at first. Order first at a restaurant. . .. Notice what kind of art work your friends and relatives have on their walls. Do you like it, dislike it, or are you neutral about it? You don’t have to tell them your opinion, but you have to tell yourself. Now I know that many of you can already do this. But I also believe that there are some areas of your life where you might not be so honest with yourself. Or you may not be honest with those you care about (the “people pleaser” syndrome). First of all, learn to be honest with yourself. Look within to find the answers to what you like, dislike, your opinions about politics or religion. And don’t just react to what you were taught. Maybe there are many things you actually do have in common with your adoptive family. Really ask yourself about these things and be HONEST in [y]our answer to yourself.”